she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
