I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
