Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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