I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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