ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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