If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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