p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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