my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
