i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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