rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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