and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
