I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
