shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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