i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
