i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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