forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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