It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
