Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Im part way to drunk.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
