I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
