suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
