While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
