Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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