Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
