I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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