Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
