As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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