my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
did i walk over a car last night?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
