Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize