I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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