you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
