Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
