You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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