So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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