Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
