Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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