I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
