is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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