It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
