k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
