It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We're too hungover to prance.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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