Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
