If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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