It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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