so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
