Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
