I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
