I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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