just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We're too hungover to prance.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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