i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
