My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i can't believe i had my finger in that
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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