proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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