i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
