Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
