I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Someone signed my nipple.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
