New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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