from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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