he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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