I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
