Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
