i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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