ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize