Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
someone threw a dead crab at me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
