so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
