So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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