Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
NoShamevember. You game?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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