Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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