I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
