I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
