just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
