there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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