Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize