there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can I color on your dick again?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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