How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
