Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
