A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you win again, gameday.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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