I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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