I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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