She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
