I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
