only you would photoshop your dick
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
