69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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