from now on my penis is your penis
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
