I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
