k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
