What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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